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NOTE: Beacuse Left 4 Dead technically has no script just a random phrase or quote said now or then, this technically isn't a transcript, but a list of assorted quotes used only in that certain campaign.

ALSO: This is DLC Campaign only.

Bill Edit

(Despite not having any new lines- Bill still talks during the campagin at certain moments)

  • [Remark to Francis comment at The Waterworks] "Speak up, Francis, your voice got all muffled from the sound of your head being so far up you ass."
  • Alternative Line: "You know who is going to survive this mess, Francis? It ain't the fella making jokes.
  • [When Starting the generator] "Watch my back!"
  • Alternative Line: I was too old for this horseshit fifteen years ago...


Francis Edit

  • [ Start of the level ] "Alright, nobody panic. I have a plan."

Louis: "Great. What is it?"

Francis: "Well, it's pretty complicated. I don't want to bore you with a lot of the complex fractions but, step one is it we walk that way."

  • [ Upon seeing the pilot's corpse ] "Hey Zoey, here's the pilot, in case you wanna shoot him again."
Zoey: "He was a ZOMBIE, Francis!"
  • [ When approaching the moving van across from the warehouse's exit ] "Say. An alley."
  • [ When a horde is approaching during Crash Course ] "Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots!"
Zoey: "Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. ZOMBIE!"

[ Upon seeing the Train Wreck in-town ] "Whoa... Zoey must've shot the train conductor. Hehe..."


Zoey: "The pilot was a ZOMBIE, Francis!" / "Okay, you know what? He was a zombie. Zombie, zombie, zombie, not a pilot. He was a zombie, Francis!"

  • [ At the beginning of Crash Course ] "Wow! I love helicopters! I love 'em so much..."

Zoey: "You what?" "[Real concern] Francis, are you all right?"

Francis: "Whoa, must've hit my head in the crash. I'm okay now. I hate helicopters."

  • [ When passing large fuel tanks ] "Hey Zoey, we're passing gas!"

Zoey: "Heh, farting."

  • [ Passing steaming pipe ] "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe."

Zoey: "Man, I love steam."

Francis: "Yeah, steam's all right, I guess." / "I hate steam...pipes." / "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes."

  • [ At the large quantities of recycle bins ] "Thanks for saving the planet, recyclers. Mission accomplished."
  • [ At the beginning of Crash Course ] "Goddammit! Where'd they buy this helicopter? At the uh...uh...um...hold on."
Zoey: "The shitty pilot store?"
Francis: "Yeah. Stupid helicopter!"
  • "Hey Mr. Positive, we just CRASHED! You got something positive to say about that?"
Louis: "We walking away from it, ain't we?" / "That was my first time in a helicopter... It was pretty exciting."
Francis: Yeah, alright... I'll give you that
[ Alternate Line ] Louis: "Yeah, I guess so. I bet we don't see any more Witches from now on. Anyone wanna bet me?"
  • "Hey Louis. That fancy college of yours teach you how to fix a helicopter?"

Louis: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Francis: "You're kidding, right?"

  • "You're still wearing that tie Louis? What? You got a meeting? Haha."
Louis: "Heh, that's funny, Francis. Why don't you take your mustache, your little vest, and your chaps, and go find yourself a parade!"
Francis: "[Grumbling] Don't see what's wrong with vests..." / "...Not even wearin' chaps..." / "I hate parades."
  • "See? I told you. Helicopter crashed. We're not saved. We're all gonna die. Pay up."
Louis: "Francis, why would you bet that we're doomed?"
Francis: "'Cuz it's money in the bank. Remind me to explain gambling to you sometime."
  • Zoey: "Okay, important safety tip: Don't get in a helicopter with a zombie pilot."

Francis: "Yeah well next time someone offers us a ride, don't shoot him." / "Or in this case, a vampire."

Zoey: "He was a zombie, Francis."

  • "This sign says 'I hate Mondays'. Man, tell me about it! Unless it's lasagna Monday. I love lasagna."
  • "I used to work for Hersch once, until some guy laughed at my little brown shorts and I beat him to death."
  • [ When seeing the Riverside sign ] "Riverside? Aww, I hate Canada." / "Oh my God, I hate Canada so much!" / "If there's one thing I hate more than vampires, it's Canada, eh!"
Zoey/Louis: "Canada? Francis, we're in Pennsylvania" / Zoey: "Yeah. Canadians are dicks."
Francis: "Man! I've been hatin' Riverside all this time for nothin'."
  • [ Very rarely, when seeing a Hunter or hearing a Boomer after seeing the Riverside sign without Zoey or Louis correcting him ] "I hear a Boomer! And it sounded Canadian!"

"Hunter! It looked Canadian."

  • "Is that how helicopters are supposed to land?"

Louis: "Uh huh."

Francis: "That's what I thought."

Zoey: "Well boys, I guess we're walking."

  • "I still can't believe you shot the pilot."

Zoey: "He turned in a zombie, Francis. He wasn't gonna land the thing."

Francis: "Well, I guess now we'll never know will we?"

  • [ Upon seeing a For Lease sign ] "For lease. Anybody got a pen? I wanna write this number down." / "For lease."

Louis: "I'd be damned, Francis! When'd you learn to read?"

  • [ When he saw the Eastern Waterworks sign ] "Waterworks. That where you pick up your crying supplies Bill? Hahahaha...I am hilarious!"

Bill: "Speak up, Francis! Your voice got all muffled from your head being so far up your ass!" / "You know who's gonna survive this mess, Francis? It ain't the fella making jokes."


Louis Edit

  • [ At the start of the campaign ] "Well boys, I guess we're walkin."
Francis: "I hate walking."
Louis: "But five minutes ago you hated flying."
Francis: "And it turns out I was right about that."
  • "He turned into a zombie, Francis. He wasn't going to land the thing."
  • "A zombie chopper pilot? Uggh! You have got to be kidding me. We were almost home free, dammit!"
Francis: "Wait...what happened?"
  • [ When a Horde is approaching on Crash Course ] Francis: "Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots."
Zoey: "Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. Zombie!"
  • [ Upon seeing the dead helicopter pilot ] "Pilot's license...REVOKED! Dunn-dunnnn-dunnnnn!"
  • [ Passing steam pipe ] Francis: "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe."
Zoey: "Man, I love steam." (Reference to the Steam online game server; Francis' answers may allude to the mistaken idea that the Internet is a series of "tubes" or "pipes.")
Francis: "Yeah, steam's alright I guess." / "I hate steam...pipes." / "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes."
  • [ When walking past fuel tanks ] Zoey: "Hey Francis, look. We're passing gas. Hahaha..."
Francis: "Haha. Nice."
[Alternate Lines] Francis: "Hey Look! We're passing gas!
Zoey: [Chuckles] "...Fart jokes."
  • [ Upon spotting the Howitzer ] "We can cross the river on that bridge!"
  • "Barricade. Big-ass gun. Anybody got any ideas?"
  • [ Seeing a rack of magazines ] "Hey Francis, they've got the latest issue of Hating Everything Magazine here."
Francis: "I hate latest issues."
  • [ In a room with several boxes ] "Free copy paper?! Sweet! The apocalypse was totally worth it!"
  • "Funny, sexy, brunette zombie killer wanted to lead three helpless men to safety."
  • '[ Often upon seeing some birds in Crash Course ] Francis: '"I hate birds."
Zoey: "Yeah, birds are dicks!"
  • [ Upon seeing metal supply plant during The Truck Depot Finale ] "Metal supply? Oh thank god, I was running low on metal." (Iron or Tungsten)
  • [ Seeing the escape vehicle on the lift ] "I want that truck."
  • "Now that...is a badass truck."
  • [ When starting the generator on Crash Course ] "Powering it up. This'll just take a second. Come on, generator. Come on."
  • "Come ON, you stupid generator for jerks!"
  • "Alright guys! Real brave. I guess I'll do it...by MYSELF."
  • [ Before starting the Crescendo Event on The Alleys during Crash Course ] "Someone's gotta fire this big ass machine gun."
  • [ Upon seeing the pilot's corpse ] "Poor guy. He tried to help us."
  • [ At the start of Crash Course ] "I've got a bad feeling about this...Oh, it passed. I think we're gonna be just fine."
  • [ At the start of Crash Course ] Francis: "Hey Louie, Why are you still wearing that tie? Got a meeting to go to? HAH!"
Louis: "Yeah that's funny Francis, why don't you take your little mustache, and your vest and find yourself a parade?"
Francis: "I don't see whats wrong with vests..."
  • [ When starting the generator ] "C'mon, c'mon, you damn generator, start!"
  • [When coming across an alley in Truck Depot Finale ] "Hey Francis, wasn't this the alley you were born in?"

Francis: "Yeah, hahaha. Is this the one you're gonna die in?"

  • "Team building exercise every Tuesday. Man, they ought to try this zombie bullshit."
  • "Well I guess we're walking."
Francis: "I hate walking."
Louis: "But five minutes ago, you hated flying."
Francis: "And it turns out I was right about that."
  • "On the bright, look at all the great scenery we would've missed if we flew over this in a helicopter, huh."
  • [ Upon seeing a magazine rack ] "Wall Street Weekly. There's no more Wall Street Weekly. Damn!"
  • "So I'm thinking, either we're immune from all this or we're getting real lucky.
  • [ When he sees the Recycling factory ] "We get out of this alive, I can't wait to have to recycle shit again."
  • [ When coming across a sign that says For Lease ] Francis: "For Lease. Anybody got a pen? I wanna write this number down", or "For Lease".
Louis: "I'd be damned, Francis! When'd you learn to read?"


Zoey Edit

  • [ At the start of the campaign ] "Well boys, I guess we're walkin."
Francis: "I hate walking."
Louis: "But five minutes ago you hated flying."
Francis: "And it turns out I was right about that."
  • "He turned into a zombie, Francis. He wasn't going to land the thing."
  • "A zombie chopper pilot? Uggh! You have got to be kidding me. We were almost home free, dammit!"
Francis: "Wait...what happened?"
  • [ When a Horde is approaching on Crash Course ] Francis: "Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots."
Zoey: "Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. Zombie!"
  • [ Upon seeing the dead helicopter pilot ] "Pilot's license...REVOKED! Dunn-dunnnn-dunnnnn!"
  • [ Passing steam pipe ] Francis: "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe."
Zoey: "Man, I love steam." (Reference to the Steam online game server; Francis' answers may allude to the mistaken idea that the Internet is a series of "tubes" or "pipes.")
Francis: "Yeah, steam's alright I guess." / "I hate steam...pipes." / "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes."
  • [ When walking past fuel tanks ] Zoey: "Hey Francis, look. We're passing gas. Hahaha..."
Francis: "Haha. Nice."
[Alternate Lines] Francis: "Hey Look! We're passing gas!
Zoey: [Chuckles] "...Fart jokes."
  • [ Upon spotting the Howitzer ] "We can cross the river on that bridge!"
  • "Barricade. Big-ass gun. Anybody got any ideas?"
  • [ Seeing a rack of magazines ] "Hey Francis, they've got the latest issue of Hating Everything Magazine here."
Francis: "I hate latest issues."
  • [ In a room with several boxes ] "Free copy paper?! Sweet! The apocalypse was totally worth it!"
  • "Funny, sexy, brunette zombie killer wanted to lead three helpless men to safety."
  • '[ Often upon seeing some birds in Crash Course ] Francis: '"I hate birds."
Zoey: "Yeah, birds are dicks!"
  • [ Upon seeing metal supply plant during The Truck Depot Finale ] "Metal supply? Oh thank god, I was running low on metal." (Iron or Tungsten)
  • [ Seeing the escape vehicle on the lift ] "I want that truck."
  • "Now that...is a badass truck."
  • [ When starting the generator on Crash Course ] "Powering it up. This'll just take a second. Come on, generator. Come on."
  • "Come ON, you stupid generator for jerks!"
  • "Alright guys! Real brave. I guess I'll do it...by MYSELF."

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